pain and cooking

Eyes filling with fresh tears

Not unshed tears, but tears not shed for that day.

A sob sits at my throat, wanting to take over

Its not my sorrow though, its not my sob to have.

The pain is yours, and it truly breaks me to know how grief sits so close to you.

To be able to take that away for you, if only for 5 minutes,

Let your heart, mind and soul rest a while.

As my own tears fill, my heart pounds at the thought of it all,

And what you and your family must now go through.

Say the word and I will be there…

****

For me food and emotions go hand in hand. When it’s someones birthday, I want to celebrate and make them a cake. When someone goes through a wonderful milestone, I want to show that I am so very happy for them and make them something delicious to rejoice in that. Just is the case when something sad happens to someone. The best way I know to say I’m so sorry that this is happening, I bake.

When someone you love hurts, and nothing I can ever do will ease that grief for them. All I have is endless hugs and combinations of butter and sugar.

My cooking says, I am here… I am so sorry that you are going through this… I am thinking of you….

Sorella, a Chocolate Strawberry Tart for you.

The art of conversation

When was the last time you had a good conversation? I mean a really good conversation.

What makes a good conversation? This really depends on the person or people who are talking. Everyone’s ideal could be completely different. You can do courses, read books, go to seminars, and practice practice practice until your tongue is bleeding and ears are throbbing, yet still conversation can be tricky at times for some people.

My conversation skills went down the gurgler after I became a mum. My husband was working long hours, my at home conversation was limited to baby/ toddler talk, and when I did meet up with other parents. Conversation was always peppered with “Watch out.”  “Hang on”. “Not so many.” “Turn around.” “Are you ok?” “Poo?” “Oh we have to go now.” Times that by two if you are conversing with one other parent, times by three if there are three of you etc etc. Conversations are left hanging, statements are left unchallenged and you just do the best you can in the crucial few seconds you get together to talk.

At home, husband gets back knackered from work, you are so starved of adult conversation- so blurt out a whole days worth of stored up conversations from your head in the space of one minute. Words roll out quicker than a toilet stop in an Indian street diner. Kids haven’t seen Dad all day and excitedly do the same.

Public speaking? I would  rather eat my own elbow… At no point has public speaking been a comfortable place. I know for a lot of people public speaking can be tricky. Sweaty palms, talking too quietly, talking too fast, fidgety fingers, saying the wrong things, mental blanks…

Mental blanks, now there is something that went hand in hand for me on becoming a Mama. Along with being starved of adult conversation, your brain turns to mush. No really it does. Those lovely hormones rolling around your body that let you concentrate on making this baby and then bonding with this baby when born, turn everything else to mush. Anything not crucial and to do with that babies welfare gets pushed to the side lines waiting to be retrieved when ever possible at a later date. It could be weeks, months or even years before those brain cells make their way back to where they can be used again. Frequently I would be conversing, saying something I felt really passionate about, I had the floor, the attention was mine and…. I would forget.

Just like that. Mid sentence and my thoughts have fled. No idea what so ever in what I was talking about. That’s fine if you are with another brain-cell-on-holidays mama that can identify with it as she has had her own fair share of cell withdrawals, but for someone that hasn’t had this happen, they look at you like you are quite nutty. How the hell can you forget what you are talking about when YOU are the one talking?? Sometimes I found it really frustrating, but the second time around, I just thought… ah, well…next time….wonder what I was talking about?…oh what a cute little baby he is.

My hat certainly gets taken off to any parent that can be sleep deprived, breastfeeding, juggling older kids and still able to hold their own in a corporate meeting, engage in conversation about up to date world politics or competantly do anything that involves words longer than milk and poo.

It came to a point when I was in a social setting where I had been so starved of conversation for a period, that I put about a months worth of words into the space of 20 minutes. My tongue was on speed and it wasn’t pretty. I left the gathering exhausted and thinking, “What the hell was that!!”

Vowing not to let that happen again, I slowed down. I listened, really listened, I thought about what I was going to say, I reflected and then responded.

It made a difference. Suddenly conversations were easier again. I didn’t have to blurt everything out in seconds, scared that this was my only chance to voice my thoughts while The Monkeys were distracted and I had someones attention. And if I do forget to say something, or get distracted or just simply think of something else to add, well this is where the wonders of technology come in, I can text, email or phone my add ins. As The Monkeys get older, the brain cells are slowly making their way back to an almost functioning level of competence. It sneaks up on me, as I excitedly realise that I just managed a WHOLE conversation, remembered what I was talking about, didn’t get interrupted by kids, and engaged in a discussion….

…and I like that.

Crostata di Marmellata

What did you make for dessert Mama?

Crostata di Marmellata

huh…?

Jam Tart little fella, jam tart.

It just sounds better when you say it in Italian. I was flicking through an old Gourmet Traveller and came across this delicious looking recipe. I needed something for the following day. Friends were coming for brunch and crostata di marmellata looked like it could be on the menu.

Adding some apple to the rhubarb jam, and slightly changing the recipe around- this was really tasty. The rhubarb jam I had a lot left over and the pastry not quite enough to do the lattice. So will have to make another to use up the left over jam… damn it. I think this one could become a firm family favourite.

Rhubarb was something that was always in my Nana’s garden. I don’t remember her cooking a whole lot with it, but it was always there. A Nana likes to have options you see. In the fruit shops or supermarket it always looks so tired looking and picked about a year ago. Then I came across some at the fox studios farmers markets– and hurray it was crispy, looked like it had been picked that morning and was just begging to be made in to something.

Rhubarb and Apple Jam

400gms chopped rhubarb

400gms chopped apple

800gms raw sugar

2 long strips of lemon peel

1 split vanilla pod

200mls water

Cook up, in the usual jam fashion. Simmering gently until jam has thickened and wrinkles (put small dish in freezer for 10 minutes, spoon small amount of jam on to it, if thickens and wrinkles, jam is ready.)

Pastry

180 gms flour
60 gms icing sugar
50 gms almond meal
1 lemon grated rind
1/2 tps vanilla extract
100 gms butter
1 egg
water (can’t remember how much I put in, enough to get dough like consistency)

Soften butter and mix in with dry ingredients until resembles breadcrumbs. Add vanilla, egg, water and grated rind. Knead well, until all incorporated. Chill until pastry is managable to roll out, and not be too soft. Roll out to desired shaped dish, add the jam and cook at 170C until golden.

5 drinks to dunk in while watching the World Cup

Here are 5 hot drinks to dip biscuits in to while watching the World Cup in South Africa.

Why are they hot? Because here in Australia it’s winter, and especially cool here in Sydney this week. Also with the time difference the games are being shown at rather unattractive times. 2.00am and 4.30am are fine when you have been out all night and you just want to ‘keep on truckin’, but not so friendly when you have two pint sized people that like to wake up for a cuddle, drink of water, toilet stop, snuggle in your bed, snuggle in their bed etc etc. Sleep is precious and continuous hours together even more precious.

HOWEVER, it’s the World Cup and there just might be a few games that would be worthy of going to bed a little earlier and then getting up to watch in the cold and dark. Now if I am going to do that, then I sure as eggs want something to warm my belly while I watch Mr Chocolate get all excited, silently pump the air and muffle groans in couch cushions. (Actually that’s reason enough to get up, if only for the entertainment in my lounge room.)

5 hot drinks to dip biscuits in while watching the World Cup


Chai Tea

black tea (either loose leaf or bag)

cinnamon

nutmeg

cardamom

knob of ginger

milk

honey

water

Cook all ingredients up in a pot. Adding amounts to suit taste. Let simmer for awhile to let all ingredients infuse together.

Spiced Hot Chocolate

50gms dark chocolate

2 cups milk

1 large strip orange rind

cinnamon

1 small fresh chilli, split and deseeded

Vanilla Milk

1 cup milk

1 dessert spoon muscavado sugar

1/2 tps vanilla

Ayurvedic Milk

1 cup milk

1/2 tps tumeric

1/4 tps nutmeg

Green Ginger Wine

* Now this one is quite often dismissed as an old persons drink of choice. Its cheap and its good! It warms you on a cold night, it keeps colds at bay when you have a niggly sore throat that could get worse, and it’s perfect as a little night cap and to get dunked with biscuits.

sourdoughs

Sourdough tastes good. It tastes reaallly good. Give me a fruity sourdough, with a little butter and I’m a happy woman.

I had toyed with the idea of making a sourdough starter for awhile, but it just seemed too hard. Too time consuming and too confusing as to what I was supposed to be doing. I read and I read, so many different ways to ‘start’ the starter, that my head hurt. All the pages were rolling into one, the words a blur, and nothing was sinking in. I closed my eyes at night thinking of starters and woke again, only to find my first thought of the day was sourdough starter…. Now what do I need to do again? Slash before prove or after? Steam? Oven at the hottest setting or turn it down a tad? Feeds beforehand? Ratio of starter to flour?…..?……?

Enough! Just do it girl. Get cracking.

Yes, there are a number of different ways to do it. Does that mean its complicated or versatile? Lets hope with versatile. I went with the “Bourke Street Bakery Cookbook” method, and for the next 3 weeks diligently fed dear “Suzie” (she had to have a name if she was going to be a permanent fixture in my kitchen) and hoped for the best.

* Now it must be said before I go any further. I’m a hack cook and a hack baker. I look for short cuts, I change recipes, and sometimes it could be said I completely bastardize recipes. Lets put it this way…. I’m not a sifter. Now this can be a downfall at times as the impatient me wants to take over and the delicate french chef in me gets thrown to the back of the kitchen. However, most of the time it works. The food is edible, and The Monkeys go to bed with a full and happy tummy. So for me, hack works… that being said, I wasn’t so sure hack was going to work in doing a sourdough starter.


I decided to do a rye starter. The rye apparently gets going easier and then you can switch over to normal flour, it just gives it a head start,(it’s then just a white starter.) So with rye flour and water in a bowl sitting on top of my fridge, the feeding began.

According to the method I was following, the starter wouldn’t be strong enough until after 3 weeks. But in the mean time I did play around with the portions I was supposed to be discarding.

Batch made with 'ferment'- oops

First up, a batch made at day 5. A Light Rye and Apple. Yeast used as a raising agent. Starter used more as ‘ferment’ taste. I have since read that you shouldn’t be using it at all at this stage as the bacteria levels are not right….. oops. I did wonder about this, as at this stage it smelt weird. Not like vomit, as I had read it could smell, just different… vomit didn’t sound so good.

Sunflower and Linseed with a small amount of dried yeast for backup. Fermenting overnight in fridge

Seeing if it would work in the bread maker. Yep it did. No yeast added and rose beautifully. It did go dry quite quickly though, when used in sandwiches, but fine for toast. I did try and start the bread maker in the morning and then left it sitting for a further few hours to prove before continuing on to cook. It rose beautifully again but then I worked out there wasn’t a just cook button and it had reset itself. So won’t be doing that one again…. dense, (the bread not me…or maybe a little of both.)

no commercial yeast, 10 hour prove

Light Rye with no yeast, two bulk proving times, and cooked 10 hours after starting.

Sunflower and Linseed, one feed 8 hours before mixing ingredients, 2 x 1 hour proving times with a knock back in between, then a slow ferment overnight in the fridge for 10 hours.

I still have to try the Bourke Street Bakery method of feeding the starter 3  times in 24 hours before adding other ingredients, then a long ferment over night. Some people do the extra feeds to build it up and some don’t. It seems there are so many methods in working with natural yeasts, and it’s just a matter of finding what works for me. That being said, if by chance anyone that knows what they are doing reads this and sees something that screams out- No you shouldn’t be doing that! Please let me know. Or just a sourdough tip, and the best methods that work for you.

Overall- I am really happy with the outcomes. I should have done a bread making course so all of this makes a bit more sense, and am hoping to down the track. But until then, I have a starter bubbling away happily, I’m producing edible bread, (actually it’s more than edible it’s really tasty!) I don’t have to rely on commercially made yeasts. I’m saving a bucket of money by not buying shop bread. (For the same price of 2 shop bought sourdoughs, I am getting 12 kilos of flour which in turn makes…. lots more loaves.) Then just playing around with different flavours, etc. like sunflowers, rye, bran, pepitas, apple.

I’m finding it so satisfying to make these breads, it really does feed my soul. I’m truly amazed that they rise and taste good, I just wish I knew more of the how, where, why part of bread making with natural yeasts.

In the mean time though, hack is working.

Getting surly about celery

I like buying organic celery. I like it being available at my local large chain supermarket, and when it’s not there I get cranky. It doesn’t cost that much, it’s usually fresh and crispy and I like to add it to a lot of cooking. It was so fresh and crispy recently that it had two resident slugs and an earthworm worm in it. Now that’s a happy celery.

I tried to buy it the other day, and it was out of stock. Other supermarket no organic produce. Fruit shop says no to organics and health food shop all out…. sigh.

Fine, I will do with out it….

No damn it, I want my organic celery!

Swimming lesson for Monkey Boy and it happens to be near a rather large shopping centre. Right I will pop in there and get it. Their chain supermarket is really big in there, no problems…. in I go and they have completely gotten rid of their organic vegetable section, except for a couple of flaccid looking zucchinis. Flaccid zucchinis are not going to cut it.

Feeling a little deflated now, I half heartedly walk into a really large fruit and vegetable shop and ask if they have an organic celery…

say what?…

organic celery?…

you want what?!…

organic….

oh never mind do you have any organic anything?…

Organ?…Oh organic, no no no no.

Right.

Feeling like I wanted to stomp my foot and yell “I want my celery!” I left.

Leaving the shopping centre all I felt was an overwhelming sense of I don’t fit in here. The consumerism that was surrounding me made me feel as if I was going to choke. The jacket suddenly felt tighter, the neon lights that bit brighter the donuts that bit more pinker. Through the sliding doors I rushed, (without my celery) Why does no one else want to buy organic celery?! (Ok, so it wasn’t all about the celery, I was having a bad day, and this just topped it.) Outside, I breathed in the late afternoon drizzly rain, and walked back to where my boys were watching my boy swim his first ever lap. Suddenly the celery didn’t matter. The consumerism while annoying, it wasn’t my life. As I watched Monkey Boy get out of the pool, a twinkle in his eye  and a proud walk in his toes. I knew that the organic celery could wait, and I would get some next time. (And if it wasn’t there next time?… then I was going to be one of those annoying customers that keeps badgering them until they did.)

* Shoppers guide to residual pesticides in fruit and vegetables. While this is a USA publication, (at this stage I am unable to find an Australian one) I am led to believe that Australian grown produce would be similar in its residues. With celery topping the list.

How to make Pici and share some love

Pici is a hand rolled pasta from the Tuscany region. Like the orecchiette, it’s a labour of love…. but jeez, it’s worth it. Side track the kids and go and bond with your partner in the kitchen. Pour a glass of wine, roll some pasta  together and share the love. If you are by yourself, crank up some music and let your mind wonder to every lovely thing thats ever happened, and enjoy that wonderful you time.

This is how we spent a Sunday, well a couple of hours of it. Chatting and rolling, chatting and rolling.

The Monkeys had other things to do such as reorganise the book shelf, dismantle the pram  and build duplo towers as tall as themselves. It was so lovely just to talk and make pasta. The rhythm of the pasta rolling hooks you in, your hands doing the same methodical thing over and over until the benches are all covered in drying pasta. Your hands in a rhythm, lets your mind wonder. I love nothing better than a passionate discussion about something. Time to really dissect the topic and explore it. Rolling the pasta and standing in the kitchen let us do just that. Unlike the  chocolate making from another weekend before, this one had happy smiles all over it.

….and you could taste that love and happiness in the pici.

Pici

450 grams fine ground semolina flour

225 mls water (approx)

In a bowl, slowly add the water to the flour, to form a stiff dough. It should be quite smooth and not really sticky to touch. To get to that smoothness, knead, knead, knead. It can be quite a stiff dough initially. Pull off a small palm sized piece, rolling it into a snake approximately 2cm  thick. Then using a knife, cut small 3cm portions off. Rolling one portion in your hand and then finished off on the board. (so it’s now a long thin snake) Pressing down with a skewer stick, length ways, following the body of the snake. The skewer sitting in the middle, lift up and then gently rolling the pasta over, to form a hollow noodle. Lay the pasta on a sprinkling of semolina to avoid sticking, and let dry for awhile before cooking.

Serve it with a simple sauce. Let the pasta be the main part of the dish, and the sauce the accompaniment. A little olive oil, a little garlic, some cherry tomatoes, a good bit of some great parmesan….

Buon appetito.

Banana Honey Bread

Honey is such a versatile ingredient for cooking. My pantry is never with out it, and no small jars of it for us. I have a 3 litre container of bush honey which my dad got for me from his local area and a pot of creamed honey I had bought at a local old lady charity shop down south. Both are delicious. Even though nobody in this household actually eats it straight, it is used in lots of different cooking. From smoothies, tea, coffee, chai, muffins, apple crumble, cakes, biscuits and for this recent recipe Banana Honey Bread.

Honey can be traced back to Egyptian times, used for the making of Mead, used medicinally, you can preserve  it for a really long time and as I like to use it- as a natural exfoliant when doing a facial. (Try it, the honey works really well.)

Today its for making bread though. Add some bananas that need to get used up, add a few more bready ingredients and you are away. A cheap, tasty snack or something different for breakfast.

 

Banana Honey Bread

* adapted from Jamie Oliver’s Happy Days with the Naked Chef

3 1/2 cups strong bread flour

100mls water

whizzed up banana- about 4 medium sized ones

1 tps cinnamon

1 tbs raw sugar

1 tbs salt

2 1/2 tps dried yeast

2 tbs honey

1/2 cup linseed meal

* extra honey and flaked almonds for the top.

Mix all ingredients with a dough hook in mixmaster, until combined well and pulls away from the edges. The dough looks quite wet and glossy. Cover with cling wrap and leave in a warm spot until doubled in size. Knock it back, quick knead, and leave to prove until doubled in size again. Shape the dough into small balls and place next to each other on a lined tray. Leave for half an hour. Drizzle more honey on top and scatter flaked almonds.

Cook at 210 C for about 20 minutes.

Easy thing to have for breakfast, a snack, or whack in the freezer and get out as needed. The Little Monkey loves these, and if he is having a fussy day eating, these always get gobbled down.

Evolution of Frugal Food

To me the evolution of food is fascinating. How dinner plates get changed over the years, dependant on where you live and what is available. Asking my family recently about food they grew up with had me fascinated as there were details there that I hadn’t been told before and I hadn’t even considered.

My grandmother grew up during the depression, in rural Australia. Born in 1930, her childhood years saw the brunt of the depression years followed by World War II. With both these factors, frugal dining wasn’t a life style choice, it was way of life. It was the only way of life that she knew for those first formative years.

A dinner meal might have what ever vegetables were able to be grown in the back yard. Such as potatoes, carrots, turnips, (turnip tops were eaten as greens). Mutton was the meat of choice with all parts being eaten. Mock brains were a favourite. Which consisted of left over porridge, beaten egg, salt and pepper rolled in to a rissole and fried. Rabbit would quite often replace chicken as it was cheaper and more readily available.

There was a lot of rationing during the war time, so this meant that everyone stretched out there dinner plate. Waste was not an option and anything ‘leftover’ was turned into something else. Every gram of fat dripping was used, and any meat that wasn’t as fresh as it could be was cooked up as a curry. A lot of people had chooks in the backyard, so there was always eggs.

Whats for dinner in 1930-1940 at Grandma’s house?

A boiled leg of mutton, with some boiled potatoes, carrots and turnips on the side.

When it came time for my grandmother to feed her own children, waste was never an option again. Even though bringing up kids in the 50’s and 60’s was much more a time of plenty. For my grandparents there was a certain amount of comfort brought with a steady doctors income and no Depression or World War lurking. However, to be wasteful of food was not going to happen. Those frugal beginnings were now in built.

My father would often eat food such as lamb brains, …. Much to his now disgust, offal was often served to both him and his younger siblings. This was a generation that hadn’t seen hard times, but still my grandmother liked to put on the table all parts of the beast. Those meaty offcuts so relished by her family during her childhood days. Meat was served at every dinner, in the form of lamb shanks, liver and bacon, rissoles. Spaghetti bolognese emerged and desserts were simple, such as bread and butter pudding.

Whats for dinner in 1950-1960 for my dad?

Meat and 3 vegetables. Lamb cutlets with steamed carrots, potatoes, peas.

After my father left home and had met my mother it was a time of the 70’s. New tastes were on plates. Things were appearing that hadn’t been available before. Food stuffs that were foreign and exciting. With more immigrants coming to Australia, also brought different ideas. For two young hipsters, living out the back of a kombie however food remained frugal. My parents were inspired by the ‘hippie’ earth magazines of the time, bringing new often Indian inspired dishes to the table. Spices such as cumin, coriander, tumeric, that hadn’t been used by their own families growing up.

My childhood, also saw its fair share of frugal food dinners. The dollar being stretched to feed myself and my siblings. There always seemed an abundance of food available, but looking back I can see that my mum would work for many long hours in the kitchen to achieve those delicious tastes. Fruit was preserved, jams were jarred, fish was bought whole, vegetables were bought in bulk (if not grown), and bread was made third daily. Chooks were always in the back yard. This substantially decreased our weekly food bills.

A frugal dinner in my childhood was often a bowl of lentils, Indian style. This dinner, some 30 years later is still a favourite with my siblings. A source of comfort? A nurturing food memory perhaps? Not one for cereal, my sister would often be on the brink of tears, if there hadn’t been enough lentils left over from dinner for the following breakfast. Yoghurt was emerging, vegetables such as capsicums were becoming available and olive oil was rearing its head as a food item rather than a medicinal one.

Whats for dinner 1970-1980 on my childhood plate?

Indian style lentils, served with brown rice.

Cooking a frugal dinner now. Jeez, so many options! So much produce is grown in Australia now, so many wonderful things to make while still keeping within a budget. My monkeys are lucky I think, so many great things. I’m sure as they get older there taste buds will mature, and my cooking habits will evolve as well. A diet that surrounds so many dishes that my grandmother in her childhood would never have heard off. Pesto, dhal, zucchini, capsicums, houmus, pizza, cherry tomatoes, all regular stars of the weekly dinner plate now.

So what is for dinner in the 2000’s on The Monkey’s plates?

Spaghetti with garlic, olive oil, diced capsicum, cherry tomatoes, and shaved parmesan.

So cheap, so easy, and utter silence at the table. Nothing but the sweet sounds of chewing and slurping. Just as it has been done for 3 generations before them.


Bad tempered chocolatiers

Time is really precious in this household. There is not  a lot of it spent as a family all together- so when it does, it’s precious and really looked forward to. Sundays are a day usually crammed full of as many lovely things as we can. Yesterday being Sunday that’s just what we did.

Fast forward to 10.30, the in-laws were over, and the monkeys sidetracked. Time we got cracking in the kitchen, with trying to temper chocolate. Last time my husband (Mr Chocolate) and I tried to temper, we followed a well-known English chocolatiers’ instructions. Obviously this world re-known Chocolatier with many fancy shops doesn’t know what he is talking about as we couldn’t do it. The chocolate was bad tempered (excuse the pun) from the start. Ok, we thought, thats alright we will just try again. (Ok, maybe it was our handy work rather than the world re-known chocolatiers instructions….. maybe.)

Which brings us to yesterday. Change a few things around from last attempt and away we go. Follow instructions, and…. nothing. Heat damaged, again.

Inlaws are still here, so we try and fix it, lets do it again we say. Result?…. still bad tempered cranky chocolate…. Right, now its really starting to bug us. The kids are asleep, give it ONE more go and then we really need to start getting ready to go to a friends house. Again, cranky bloody chocolate, and two cranky little chocolatiers. Four and half hours later and we have three types of flavoured chocolates and truffles, our own orange paste, and box full of messy looking badly tempered chocolate to take as a goodbye gift to a friend. Many mutterings of what a waste of time, we could have done sooo many other things, how disappointing. etc…. etc….

So what did we learn?

* Tempering chocolate is time consuming when you don’t know what you are doing.

* Orange paste is delicious, and well worth the effort of making.

* Making chocolate is messy business, and your daily chocolate intake rises dramatically when you “have” to keep  trying the different flavours you have concocted to make sure they are ok.

* Badly tempered chocolate will still be eaten by good friends, who say it is delicious. Thats why they are good friends.